[photo attribution to: http://www.queerty.com/what-will-margaret-srivastav-wear-to-patrick-leahys-historic-doma-hearings-20110707]
"Gluttony" from http://www.deadlysins.com/sins/gluttony.html
*What it is: Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
*Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be force-fed rats, toads, and snakes.
*Associated symbols & such: Gluttony is linked with the pig and the color orange.
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[photo attribution to: http://www.renwl.org/noms-maggie-gallagher-to-ken-mehlman-we-will-crush-you/7269/
> --- with some "enhancements" of my own added]
Hmmmmm...so, then according to Catholicism, and their Seven Deadly Sins contrivances, "gluttony" is listed as one of the worst sins ever.
Then, by inference, Maggie Gallagher is a first class porcine Satanic sinner. Therefore, all of us god-fearing, present day Sodom and Gomorrahites should shun her. It is our sacred duty as good cafeteria Christians.
To confirm this, I remember when I was a child, and when my mom ran out of Grimm's fairy-tales to scare the bejesus out of me before bedtime, she used to tell me bible stories. I remember the one about Sodom and Gomorrah and how it got accidentally destroyed. She told me that everyone was gay in the two towns, and how they had to adopt crack-babies because no one would do the ol' heterosexual "in and out" anymore.
God, realizing that the world would be vastly over-crowded in a few thousands years or so, and (God being God, you know) wanted to get a head-start on things, so He really liked the idea of at least some of His brood having non-reproductive sex and keeping things in balance. He even sent some male "trainer" angels for them to practice same-sex copulation with because the angels were getting really bored in heaven waiting for cable TV -- which hadn't been invented yet. But when Lot tried to pull a fast one by offering his daughters to the Sodom and Gomorrah Branch of the Log Cabin Republicans (one of the original lost tribes of Israel) for the men to White Party with instead of those devilishly handsome angels when they arrived -- well, the men would have none of it. Consequently, God got as mad as a parish priest without an altar-boy at Lot's betrayal and tried to destroyed Lot with a fire-bolt, but God missed and hit the twin cities instead.
Well, God was really pissed off by then and got his revenge by turning Lot's wife into a pillar of salt. God felt bad about it later and wanted to turn Lot into a Margarita (so that Lot and his wife could be together again), but there was this demon cow, named Maggus Gallagherus, who came along and, when no one was looking, licked the salt block all up until it disappeared. Lot became so distraught that he got drunk later and had sex with his two daughters (true, look it up) so that he could continue his family's line.
The rumors of Lot's incest with his daughters spread eventually, so Lot moved his daughter-wives and his grandchildren-kids to the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania where he is now a disgraced "frothy mix" former United States Senator running for Grand Wizard of the United Confederate States of Amerika along with Rick "anti-christ" Perry and Michele "crazy eyes" Bachman. Together they have created the newly formed "Children of the Corn Party".
But what happened to Maggus Gallergerus, the sloth demon, you may ask? Well, she converted to Hinduism and was reincarnated as a Catholic in 20th century America. She now fights Sodom and Gommorahites in the US in the name of her former demon self since God will no longer feed her appetite by turning people into salt for her to lick. This salt deficiency in her diet caused her to form the organisation called NOM (Nasty Old Monsters) where she continues to scare little children and homosexuals, as well as the other pure and innocent offspring of God.
The moral of the story is, as my mother told me: "Steer clear of homophobic fat women, because they may have an agenda...or maybe they just don't feel pretty and want attention. Either way, if they attack you, throw some salt on the ground and run like hell."
...Gosh, I sure do miss those lovely old stories my mom told me when I was growing up as a kid. Those were good times. But I still find it hard to believe how anyone cannot trust in the unerring truth of the Bible through honest to goodness true stories like these in the Holy Book.
You got to believe. Exactly what else is there to have faith in -- Science or something? As surely as you can see Russia while standing on the back porch of my house in Kansas, you got to believe.
...You betcha.
(c) Bud Evans, 2011
